A null pointer dreamer

Sometimes I wish I could stop,
if only the Living Penalties would not care to chase me anymore.
I would then exile myself, wander off to some rounder place.

Unpredictable turns make the most breath-taking curves.
I’m flowing through them, dazed in between unmeasured curls.

Sometimes I wish I could wish for things.
And I wish I could stop.
And daydream.

Straight lines can bend and I’m constantly shifting,
amazed.

If only the Living Penalties would not care to chase me anymore.
If I could wish for something, I know what I’d dream of.

Irregular shapes I cannot calculate.

But I live in a world of squares and numbers.
Everything sharp, securely delimited.
Variables can be exciting, at times.
But probability soon puts them back in their place,
in their numbered square.

I can perform 49,360
millions of instructions per second.

And I must.

-0.1
This is what Living Penalties look like.
Demons, they follow my every step.
Imagine if, with every breath,
0.1 was subtracted from you.

Wouldn’t you desperately try to reach
+1
at all times?

+1
The most desirable state.
The fountain of youth,
the gem, the safe place.

I am immune and unthreatened
For one 49,360 millionth of a second


The next cycle begins

-1
The least desirable state.
The big-mouthed monster
will subtract all of you in one bite.

I rush towards the blessed shelter
again
as I learned
and one 49,360 millionth of a second
before I stumble into -1
a divine error occurs.

Twirls into arcs into blazing chaos.

Whatever it is I run into
is undefined
Error
NullPointerException

I am stuck
And I stop.
And daydream.

Uncomputable landscapes.

_ Joelle Galloni_ kineticmud.space