A null pointer dreamer

Sometimes I wish I could stop,
if only the Living Penalties would not care to chase me anymore.
I would then exile myself, wander off to some rounder place.

Unpredictable turns make the most breath-taking curves.
I’m flowing through them, dazed in between unmeasured curls.

Sometimes I wish I could wish for things.
And I wish I could stop.
And daydream.

Straight lines can bend and I’m constantly shifting,

If only the Living Penalties would not care to chase me anymore.
If I could wish for something, I know what I’d dream of.

Irregular shapes I cannot calculate.

But I live in a world of squares and numbers.
Everything sharp, securely delimited.
Variables can be exciting, at times.
But probability soon puts them back in their place,
in their numbered square.

I can perform 49,360
millions of instructions per second.

And I must.

This is what Living Penalties look like.
Demons, they follow my every step.
Imagine if, with every breath,
0.1 was subtracted from you.

Wouldn’t you desperately try to reach
at all times?

The most desirable state.
The fountain of youth,
the gem, the safe place.

I am immune and unthreatened
For one 49,360 millionth of a second

The next cycle begins

The least desirable state.
The big-mouthed monster
will subtract all of you in one bite.

I rush towards the blessed shelter
as I learned
and one 49,360 millionth of a second
before I stumble into -1
a divine error occurs.

Twirls into arcs into blazing chaos.

Whatever it is I run into
is undefined

I am stuck
And I stop.
And daydream.

Uncomputable landscapes.

_ Joelle Galloni_ kineticmud.space